In the beginning there was the computer. And God said c:\>Let there be light! Enter user id. c:\>God Enter password. c:\>Omniscient Password incorrect. Try again. c:\>Omnipotent Password incorrect. Try again. c:\>Technocrat And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. c:\>Let there be light! Unrecognizable command. Try again. c:\>Create light Done c:\>Run heaven and earth And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors. And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2. c:\>Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light Unrecognizable command. Try again. c:\>Create firmament Done. c:\>Run firmament And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2. And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3. c:\>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and Too many characters in specification string. Try again. c:\>Create dry_land Done. c:\>Run firmament And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3. And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4. c:\>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night Unspecified type. Try again. c:\>Create sun_moon_stars Done c:\>Run sun_moon_stars And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4. And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5. c:\>Create fish Done c:\>Create fowl Done c:\>Run fish, fowl And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors. And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5. And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6. c:\>Create cattle Done c:\>Create creepy_things Done c:\>Now let us make man in our image Unspecified type. Try again. c:\>Create man Done c:\>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth Too many command operands. Try again. c:\>Run multiplication Execution terminated. 6 errors. c:\>Insert breath Done c:\>Run multiplication Execution terminated. 5 errors. c:\>Move man to Garden of Eden File Garden of Eden does not exist. c:\>Create Garden.edn Done c:\>Move man to Garden.edn Done c:\>Run multiplication Execution terminated. 4 errors. c:\>Copy woman from man Done c:\>Run multiplication Execution terminated. 2 errors. c:\>Create desire Done c:\>Run multiplication And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors. c:\>Create freewill Done c:\>Run freewill And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors. c:\>Undo desire Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created. c:\>Destroy freewill Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help. c:\>Help Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created. Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help. c:\>Create tree_of_knowledge And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors. c:\>Create good, evil Done c:\>Activate evil And God saw he had created shame. Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors. c:\>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman Search failed. c:\>Delete shame Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated. c:\>Destroy freewill Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help. c:\>Stop Unrecognizable command. Try again c:\>Break c:\>Break c:\>Break ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF. c:\>Create new world You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created. c:\>Destroy earth Destroy earth: Please confirm. c:\>Destroy earth confirmed COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW. And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Army, and I have a second cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi hate literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his patients while they were under anesthesia. The sole support of our large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket Benny "The Fingers") and my aunt and kid sisters, who are well-known street walkers.
My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school. To support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids into the family business. But -- I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers, once she has a chance to meet them. In your opinion, Abby: Should I -- or shouldn't I -- let her know about my second cousin who works for Microsoft?
Regards,
Troubled?